Creating an Inclusive Calm at Home through Coregulation and Shared Rituals
In today’s fast-paced, screen-saturated world, the family home is often the one space
where children and caregivers can find consistent grounding. Yet, for many families, stress spills
over from school and work, leaving both children and adults emotionally frayed. Amidst this
chaos, cultivating an “inclusive calm” in the family system isn’t just desirable—it’s essential for
long-term emotional well-being.
Inclusive calm is more than a quiet environment; it is an embodied sense of safety and
belonging created together. It is the felt experience that all members of the family, regardless of
age or role, are welcome, understood, and emotionally held. This calm is built not by demanding
children “calm down,” but through intentional practices of coregulation and shared rituals—two
powerful tools that allow families to move from disconnection to connection.
Coregulation
Coregulation is the process by which one person’s nervous system helps regulate
another’s, especially in relationships between caregivers and children. Long before children can
self-regulate, they rely on the calm, responsive presence of an adult to help them return to
emotional equilibrium. This is not simply about offering verbal comfort—it’s about how adult
caregivers show up in their bodies, tone, and presence.
A parent’s regulated nervous system—calm breath, soft eyes, steady
voice—communicates safety and stability. In turn, this helps children feel emotionally anchored,
especially in moments of distress. Over time, repeated coregulatory experiences scaffold a
child’s capacity to self-regulate. Coregulation becomes the invisible thread that weaves trust,
safety, and emotional resilience into the family system.
Daily Coregulation Cues - Use these to soothe, connect, and co-regulate with your child.
- I pause and take a deep breath before responding to my child.
- I get down to my child’s eye level when speaking.
- I use a warm, steady voice—even during conflict.
- I name and validate my child’s feelings (“You’re feeling sad—it’s okay to feel that.”)
- I use gentle touch (e.g., hand on back, hug, holding hands) to soothe.
- I use rhythmic predictable sensory cues (rocking, humming, walking together) to help
regulate the nervous system. - I model my own regulation (“I’m feeling stressed—I’m going to take a breath.”)
- I regulate my own self first (breathwork, stretching, grounding techniques)
- I repair after a conflict (“I didn’t handle that well. Let’s try again.”)
- I lead with presence, not perfection.
Building Shared Rituals
Rituals are repeated, meaningful actions that create a sense of rhythm and connection.
Unlike routines, which are often practical (like brushing teeth), rituals hold emotional weight.
They help children know what to expect, feel valued, and create collective memories. From
bedtime stories to Sunday pancakes, these small, consistent moments help organize the family’s
emotional world.
Rituals aren’t just for holidays or birthdays—they can be daily anchors that soothe, unite,
and define the family system for the young brains.
Shared Calming Rituals:
Pick a few and personalize them to fit your family, and where suitable,
involve children in co-designing rituals. Starting or ending a day together offers touchpoints and
serves as emotional bookends for connection.
Morning
1. One-minute stretch or dance together before school/work.
2. Say a positive affirmation together (“We’ve got this day.”)
3. Share one thing you’re looking forward to today.
After-School/Transition Time
1. Offer a re-entry hug or snack together.
2. Do a “one-word check-in” (“Describe your day in one word.”)
3. Quiet time together in a calming space before homework or chores.
a. Have a designated calm space with soft pillows or blanket, fidgets and sensory
tools, books or breathing guides, noise-canceling headphones or soft music.
Evening/Bedtime
1. Read a book or tell a made-up story.
2. Gratitude moment: “What’s one thing you liked about today?”
3. Sing a lullaby, hum, or play soft instrumental music.
4. Whisper a bedtime mantra or calming phrase (“You are safe. You are loved.”)
Weekly Rituals
1. Family meal with no screens + sharing highs/lows of the week.
2. Game night, art night, or shared activity time.
3. Cultural or spiritual practice (lighting incense, prayers, nature walk).
4. Family check-in: “What should we keep doing? What should we change?”
The Intersection of Coregulation & Rituals
When coregulation and ritual are practiced together, their power multiplies. A bedtime
ritual of brushing teeth becomes a calming moment if it’s done side-by-side with humming. A
weekly family meal ritual becomes grounding when it’s paired with laughter, storytelling, and
warm eye contact. These practices don’t need to be perfect or performative. They just need to be
consistent and attuned. Even five minutes a day of intentional connection can shift the family
atmosphere from reactive to responsive, from scattered to settled.
Inclusion doesn’t happen by accident—it is cultivated through intentional emotional
practices. Calm isn’t just about silence or order; it’s about feeling seen, supported, and safe.
When families embrace coregulation and shared rituals, they create environments where every
member’s nervous system can exhale. Children raised in such spaces don’t just behave
better—they flourish. Choose one moment of the day—morning, dinner, or bedtime—and infuse
it with intentional calm.
About the Author
Ashley Abesamra
Creative Counseling in Motion,
PLLC
Counselor, LMHC, BC-DMT (she, her)
My name is Ashley Abesamra. I am committed to meeting my clients with warmth, empathy, and presence.
I have experience working with early childhood, older children, adolescents, and adults. I enjoy supporting people with anxiety, depression, ADHD, relational challenges, life transitions, self-esteem, identity, perinatal health, and parenting challenges.