Navigating the Stress of Fall Transitions and “Back to School"
The fall is a time of change and transition. In many ways we may welcome this, as these changes can include going back to school, making new friends, meeting new teachers, starting new activities, and returning to a more structured routine. The blend of new and familiar can be exciting, but it can also be overwhelming. We crave getting into a rhythm, a routine that can feel comforting, like an old sweatshirt or a big hug. However, getting to that place can be a bumpy path for children and caregivers.
So, as you navigate this path with your family this season here are some tips to support you along the way.
#1 Empathy
Often, children just want to feel understood when they are having big feelings. When we show them we understand with empathy we can help them feel supported, and that can make the emotions feel smaller. As parents, we often want to fix the hard times for our kids. Sometimes statements like “I see that you are anxious about this.” or “I understand you’re nervous about…and I’m here for you.” can be enough to help children feel empowered to move forward.
#2 Stay Present:
Many children struggle with anticipatory anxiety, so thinking about what is going to happen in the future feels more stressful than when the event they are anticipating happens. One way to navigate this is to support attending to the present. This can be done by redirecting the child back to a current activity after acknowledging their feelings. For example, “I understand you are feeling nervous about tomorrow. Right now, let’s keep reading your book, and we will handle tomorrow together when it’s time.” Another option for staying present is mindfulness-based activities. Here are some options for mindfulness:
- 54321: Say out loud five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, two things you smell, and one thing you are grateful for in the moment.
- Meditation apps: Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame (2-5 years old); Headspace (5+ years old); Moshi (audio stories and meditation for kids)
#3 Transitional Items:
When children are starting a new activity that requires separation from caregivers it can be very upsetting for them, especially if it’s the first time. Transitional items, or comfort items from home, can help with this transition. For young children, these may include:
- A stuffed animal,
- A blanket,
- A family picture,
- “kissing hand” stickers (see books below), or
- A favorite book.
For older children, this may include:
- A locket with family photos, a watch (so they can see the time you will return), or
- A note from their caregivers.
These items may help a child feel close to loved ones in these new places until they start feeling comfortable in the new place.
#4 Read books to prepare:
Books can help children explore big feelings more indirectly. As they listen and reflect on the feelings a character is experiencing, they can build more awareness and tools for navigating their own worries or stress. Here is a brief list of books to help with stressful transitions:
- The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn (supports separation anxiety, and some versions come with a sticker sheet for children to use as a transitional item).
- Calm Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick (board book for 18 months to 3 years old).
- Bye Bye Time by Elizabeth Verdick (board book for 18 months to 3 years old).
- The WorrySaurus by Rachel Bright (4-6 year olds)
- A Little Spot of Anxiety: A Story about Calming your Worries by Diane Alber (4-8 year olds)
- Jabari Jumps (3-6 year olds)
- Start Where You Are by Meera Lee Patel (a guided journal for pre-teens).
#5 Foster a growth mindset
- The power of “yet”: Sometimes children (and adults) can get stuck in all or nothing thinking. When we use the word yet with children it supports a growth mindset and confidence. For example, “It’s ok if you can’t do it by yourself yet. We can keep practicing.” or “If you’re not ready yet let’s take two more minutes. Then we can go.”
- Rose/Bud/Thorn: Daily check-ins about how things are going are helpful for expanding flexible thinking. A rose/bud/thorn check-in consists of asking the child to name a highlight from the day (rose), something they can keep working on (goal/area for growth), and a challenge. This can help children be more specific with what happened during the day in a fun way, as well as help them move away from “bad day” mindset and instead acknowledging good and tough moments in the day.
- Affirmations: Building confidence is key to navigating transitions for children. Affirmations support the acknowledgment of strengths through repetition, and repetition helps build self-esteem. Allow children to create their own strength based “I am” statements. Consider adding this to your conversation on the way to school or before bedtime. Examples may include: “I am capable and prepared”, “I am strong in my body and my mind”, and “I am kind to myself and others”.
About the Author
Ashley Abesamra
Creative Counseling in Motion,
PLLC
Counselor, LMHC, BC-DMT (she, her)
My name is Ashley Abesamra. I am committed to meeting my clients with warmth, empathy, and presence.
I have experience working with early childhood, older children, adolescents, and adults. I enjoy supporting people with anxiety, depression, ADHD, relational challenges, life transitions, self-esteem, identity, perinatal health, and parenting challenges.